HOW TO STALK SOMEONE

485 words

 

WARNING: THIS POST IS FOR ENTERTAINMENT ONLY! PLEASE DO NOT TRY ANY OF THE STUFF I AM WRITING ABOUT TODAY, I AM NOT BEING SERIOUS. IF YOU CHOOSE TO FOLLOW MY STEPS BELOW, YOU MAY BE A WEE BIT…

STUPID.

ALSO! I AM NOT REALLY LIKE THIS SO PLEASE DON’T THINK POORLY OF ME!

If you are a girl, like me, then I am sure that you have run into some attractive males in your life, and vice versa with boys. Here are the steps to make them fall in love with you…

Step 1: find out their name. Usually this means following them around the mall until you hear their name said by someone else or finding it in a book or program somewhere.

Step 2: once you know their name, find them on Facebook. This may be a bit difficult because most likely there will be other people with the same name. If this happens, look through every single one to find him. Once you find him, send him a friend request.

 Step 3: Once he accepts (and if he doesn’t, then it’s time to give up cuz there’s no way that guy’s fallin’ for ya!) turn your stalker meter on high and start creeping. Look through his pictures, likes, favorites etc. to find out what he likes.

Step 4: Find out if you have any mutual friends. If you have some ask them for the dirt on Mr. Good-Looking that he didn’t put out on the World Wide Web. (If you already know everything from Facebook, then you are either a very skilled stalker and belong in the FBI or something or he’s just smart enough to hold some things back).

Step 5: find out where he lives. Once a week leave little gifts on his doorstep of things that he likes (which you know because you found everything out on Facebook!) After a while start to give hints to who you are. Once he figures out that it’s you tell him that you are deeply in love with him. If this doesn’t make him turn around and call the cops on you, you have yourself a keeper. If he does threaten to call the cops, blackmail him by threatening to spread the dirt on him that you got from your mutual friends. Now he has no choice but to accept your invitation to a dinner and a movie.

And you live happily ever after! The end! Good bye!  End of story! You have now successfully stalked someone! Because, you know, being a nice, non-creepy person is never enough right?

 *****

Here’s the sad thing about all of this: people really do put a lot of things on Facebook about themselves that they probably shouldn’t making it easier for strangers to find things out about them. Please be aware of what you put on the Internet because everyone and anyone can see it.

 

~Skooogster(: